Day TWELVE // Mental Quicksand

F-U-N-K.

No, not the music.

No, not a mis-spelling of an expletive.

Funk as in, I was in one.

This week was a doozy on me and it has all been self-inflicted. Nothing terrible happened, the world didn’t fall apart, I still have a home, my Oscar, and a billion other things to be thankful for…yet, here I am, roasting in my funk. I found myself feeling overly frustrated because I wanted to be better, to do better and I wanted it to happen r’now. I got lost in comparing myself to others in the same field who (in my mind) have it all together and must be able to end every day by shouting out the window, “I RUUUULE!!!” before peacefully hitting the hay.

And I forgot to realize that they don’t. That they feel the same way I do and have the same self-doubts and self-criticsm and the same struggles to always do better and to get better because that’s a part of being passionate about what you do. You care so much that you get tightly wrapped up in what you want to do to rise to the next level, that you forget about all of the things you have already done that have brought you so far.

This week was one of those for me where I just was in a quicksand of my thoughts and I lost sight of the bigger picture. And as it has been many times, the perfect medicine was to have two of our close friends over for grilling, listening to bad 90’s music from the neighbors next door (“Now that we found love, what are we gonna doooo…with itttt?” alright, who am I kidding, I love those songs), watching videos on YouTube, laughing at each other, being dorks and getting excited about hanging out again tomorrow although we are hanging out now, and everything else that goes along with being with people that you love and who just know how to make your day better.

Thank you Liza + John for putting a smile on my face and for always having our backs; our talk helped me look at things from the outside and not feel so jumbled up inside my head. You guys rule and I feel much better now :)